I have 7 posts that I never finished. I start writing and I want to say all these nice things but they just seem artificial. So I go on to click save and never have enough motivation to come back to them. I guess I just need to stop pretending that I am feeling so wonderful because the truth is that I'm not. Paradise currently isn't so sunny. In fact it fucking sucks. (excuse my French)
I've been dealing with a horrible reoccurring pain for just about two years now. It pretty much involves my lower back and left hip area. I could probably learn to live with it if it stopped there but of course it does not. I have the most painful, knife stabbing, electric current sciatica that starts at my buttocks and runs down my left leg. I've been in and out of the hospital since giving birth to Penny in February. There have been MRIs, I've had 3 steroid injections since then, have taken oral steroids and watched my face and body blow up, I've been on bed rest, and I'm taking a handful of hydromorphone a day which doesn't even do much for me anymore. I just can't take it anymore. I can't take care of my husband or my kids the way I want to and I'm not seeing any relief from anything the doctors do. I just don't see an end to it and I'm not very hopeful that it will get resolved in the future. It is just so painful I can't even put it into words.
And the fact of the matter is that it's affecting my marriage, and my relationship with my family and children. I guess I just need to continuously count my blessings because right now I don't have much else going for me.
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